My pride won’t let me text him….I just cannot do it. I like him so much and I honestly feel like we would be good together, but he’s just to far away! I don’t know what to do! I feel so amazing when I talk to him but I don’t wanna text first because I feel like I may be annoying him and lets be realistic he’s 2,000 miles away! It makes no sense for us to occupy each other’s time when we won’t see each other for another two almost 3 months. So I guess I’ll be waiting…although I hate it. Perhaps I’ll be rewarded for it…or maybe I’ll just move on just as I’ve always done. One boy don’t stop my show but one special one can surely put a bump in my stage.

Lord I hear of showers of blessings, thou art scattering full and free! Showers of mercy souls refreshing, let some drops now fall on me! Even me Lord, even me! Let some drops now fall on me!

I hear a symphony

I’ve heard the symphony and all I can do is sing to it! Everytime I hear its complex rhythms and rhymes my life just seems to move and dance like I’m a princess at her first ball…I sing because every melody of every movement in the symphony begs me to sing a complex song to accompany its classical Black rhythms…everytime I hear the symphony my heart sings like Ella at the cotton club in 1930’s Harlem. It sings the song depicted in the shade of my skin, the struggle. The symphony is the song of my people the song that keeps my heart beating as strong as it has and always will….its the song of generations past present and future. I hear the symphony.

This weekend has been a “WHOA” type weekend…Don’t get me wrong it was fun and flirty to say the least. I had an enormous amount of fun on friday and last night was no different. I had a slumber party, got a little drunk and sent a few stupid text messages but the world was completely alright with me. The weekend began witha fashion show and ended with a playful song or two. I’m happy and ready to do it again next weekend…haha Cheers to the Freakin Weekend, I’ll drink to that! ;)

I’m about to be twenty years old this year….I’m tired of games I wanna get married next summer and have kids. I’ve made enough mistakes in my life and I’m ready to settle down with someone who loves me…I dont think Justin loves me like he say he does. I honestly believe he’s cheating on me and has cheated recently. I dont really care anymore…my eye is someone else and I like him a lot but he doesn’t want a relationship then there’s him….he is in love with me but I dont want him! I’m so confused….my life isn’t going the way its supposed to be!! I’m hurting….and he’s not there!!! He’s not there!!! I’m sick and fucking tired of him not being by my side! He says he loves me but he’s never there maybe I should end it now…just end our relation ship. I dont like feel like being just a title so fuck this I think I’m done! There’s no trust no, no life! So there goes my relationship…I love you but I’m leaving you. Simple as that

Cmon Motown!!

Cmon Motown!!

Its been awhile since I’ve made a post. So much has happened! I ended up in a relationship and to be quite honest I’m not really sure if I like it. Dont get me wrong he’s a great guy but he is so far away and I’m struggling with the fact of whether or Not we should have even took on this venture. Here at my school there’s This guy that I know Is attracted to me because his friends told me. I’m attracted to him too. I’m just waiting on him to take the chance and When he does I’ll probably drop the other one like its nothing unless something changes between me and my present guy….I’m indecisive and I dont like it.

Feeling good….feeling great. Life really throws some curve balls at you. My world has finally been flipped right side up again. I’ve been laying on my side for a long time now and I just can’t help but smile a little more often ya know? Not because of This relationship I somehow fell into but the fact that everything is finally falling into place. This semester is finally going so well and my purpose is clear. I’m still questioning things like my career path things of that nature but that’s kind of been put on the back burner for me. My home seems stable and happy and my family has a handsome new edition by the name of Jaydon Alan and he’s Just a sight to see. My world is alright with me ya know. Its about as close to perfect as it has ever been. Smh….LG, life’s good. And GG…God’s Good.

Just felt God…smh…hadn’t felt him in a while like that! It was amazing…I almost sent my whole TL in while i was going in. He just revealed to me that everything I want and need is coming to me someway and somehow. That makes me so happy, I just wannna shout about it right now. Me and my girls are just changing so much…for the better. Everything is just falling into place for us…it’s just so beautiful to watch everything just fall into place for us. Im loving it like crazy. I didn’t think it was gonna be like this. God is just GOOD! To HIM be ALL the glory!

So I entered this relationship under the conditions that if I don’t cheat you want cheat, I’m sure this fact still stands but I’m still a little nervous. I think it comes with the territory though. Im going to trust you until you give a reason not to…but oh my if you give me reason to doubt that you’ve been anything but faithful: It’s going to be an issue. I like you a lot and I would like it if we stay together. Trust me. So do me a favor and don’t disappoint me. It would hurt me too much. So let’s be a happy couple why don’t we?